I love her!

I have spent 3 days in a row now with Jenna and although it's infuriating at times, I love her! When I hold her for hours and then put her down, I feel like something's missing. Honestly it has taken a few weeks to get to this point, because at first it was more frustrating than not. Today was a good day, so it was less frustrating. Less screaming = happy me.

When Jay got home from work, I went to Target, but when I got back I found out that Jenna had been sleeping the whole time I was gone. OK, so she doesn't sleep all day (maybe close to 2 hours) but when I leave, she goes to sleep. The good thing is that she had a lot of awake time when she wasn't crying today. She stared at me and wanted to be held all day. She even let me put her down when she was awake, and didn't cry! Of course, that doesn't last long--5 minutes usually.

Going back to work is going to be tough. She'll just be getting to the "fun" stage at that time. Yesterday morning I took her to my office and she slept the whole time. That's what I was hoping would happen, because I wouldn't want her to be crying. It's distracting to people who are trying to work to have a crying baby around! I decided to be brave and go to Target afterwards, but that was a bad idea. I was trying to return something, but they have a stupid return policy and if it's an online order, you have to print out a receipt from target.com. I couldn't figure out what to do, and of course she had started screaming. She was pretty inconsolable, so I just left and of course she was really hungry when we got home. She's pretty much always really hungry! I'm afraid I'm overfeeding her, but if I don't, she cries and sucks her fists until I feed her. She gets a lot of formula now...mama's breastmilk just doesn't do it for her. I'm finally accepting that it's OK, though I'll probably never get over the guilt.